White Culture.

Long time, no post. Sorry about the delay.

LVC is officially in full swing. We began two weeks ago now with our 124-LVCers converging on DC for a week long orientation. We had a very full week of community building, anti-racism training, personal safety training, and discussions about sustainability/simplicity. We got there on Sunday night and left on Saturday afternoon.

Then Sunday morning (after a 17.5 hour train ride!) we arrived in Chicago. We've now been here a week. We have been given time to settle into our new homes, communities, and city. We were able to see everyone in our house's placements (which was really interesting and gave us a solid framework). We officially started work on Thursday, but I haven't been back to my placement yet. I've spent those two days in training for LI-Heap (Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program) which begins on September 1. My first day at Howard Area Community Center will be on Monday! Wish me luck! Today we had a potluck at the lake with all of the Chicago Area LVCers (there are 13 of us in three houses: Casa Romero, Sojourner Truth and Carter Heywood).

It's all been good and overwhelming and about just settling in. But I really wanted to share some thoughts about something we discussed in our two days of anti-racism training: White Culture.

First this poem was shown to us and I wanted to share it with you.

It's called "Southern Heritage" by Jason Carney.

In light of this and my anti-racist training. I am a white American. I know very few details about my heritage outside of a few legendary references (I may have some Native American and French), but my ancestry has never been chronicled. Throughout the years I have felt a little lost, lacking true identity and culture. I have always prized cultures where there is a strong community, a strong sense of identity attached to belonging in that community. I have always felt a sense of loss at my own lack of culture. However, I've never been forced, or even asked, to look at my true culture within the United States: White Culture.

___________

I wrote that several months ago and never really got around to finishing the post. Primarily because I think I have yet to find a true answer as to what white culture is and how I fit into that legacy.

Having recently returned from Fall Retreat, these thoughts are forefront in my mind again. We were once again asked to revisit our anti-racism training and to continue the process we began in D.C.. I am struggling to claim an anti-racist identity. I am struggling not to be lost in the truly terrible aspects of my white culture. I have been overwhelmed by my own _____participation? benefits? role?

What I am failing to articulate as clearly as I would like is this: I am struggling. I am struggling with the guilt I have for being a white United States of American, the difficulty I have in reclaiming a white culture that can be positive and honoring to all, and I have yet to find a way to live into an anti-racist identity.

Peace,

Amanda

"Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I really love my church in Los Angeles. If you are ever in Los Angeles on a Sunday morning and are looking for a good contemporary worship experience in a great community atmosphere, you should stop by St. Stephen’s.

One of my favorite things about the service on Sunday is that the sermon is usually a conversation. Our rector, Jaime, provides some background or historical context for the passage and often some popular interpretations. He may preach for a bit, but that is always followed by a discussion with the congregation. This week, in particular, we had a really good conversation. The gospel reading for today was from Mark 10:17-31 (which I have copied and pasted below). It's a passage I've always kind of struggled with and so it was really wonderful to grapple with it in my worship community and to hear other perspectives on what it means for us. Jaime also usually starts the conversation by throwing out a few questions: what strikes you about this passage? What is the good news in this passage? What is the bad news in this passage?


Mark 10:17-31 (NRSV)


As he was setting out on a journey, a man ran up and knelt before him, and asked him, ‘Good Teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?’ Jesus said to him, ‘Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: “You shall not murder; You shall not commit adultery; You shall not steal; You shall not bear false witness; You shall not defraud; Honour your father and mother.” ’ He said to him, ‘Teacher, I have kept all these since my youth.’ Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, ‘You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’ When he heard this, he was shocked and went away grieving, for he had many possessions.

Then Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, ‘How hard it will be for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God!’ And the disciples were perplexed at these words. But Jesus said to them again, ‘Children, how hard it is to enter the kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.’ They were greatly astounded and said to one another, ‘Then who can be saved?’ Jesus looked at them and said, ‘For mortals it is impossible, but not for God; for God all things are possible.’

Peter began to say to him, ‘Look, we have left everything and followed you.’ Jesus said, ‘Truly I tell you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields, for my sake and for the sake of the good news, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this age—houses, brothers and sisters, mothers and children, and fields, with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.’



So, what is the bad news and what is the good news? What strikes you about this passage?

To be perfectly honest, this passage has a whole lot of bad news for me. I love stuff. My MacBook and DVR are a couple of my favorite things. I brought two suitcases and a box of stuff to California but still have a room and closet full of my possessions back in Ohio. Material possessions give a certain level of comfort; they make me feel more settled and more at home. I have thirteen pairs of shoes with me in California. Do I really need all four pairs of sneakers I have? Or all five pairs of sandals? Of course not. Am I going to do anything about the fact that I have way more than I need? Maybe. Maybe not. So, for me, this passage has a lot of bad news. How am I going to get into the kingdom of heaven when I have all of this STUFF? Some people say that this passage is a metaphor for ridding ourselves of everything that stands between us and God, or that Jesus doesn't really mean that we have to sell everything and give it to the poor, but just give up some things (after all, if everyone who had stuff sold it all and gave to the poor, then the situation would flip. Those who are poor now would have stuff and they'd have to sell everything and give to US. Right? Right? Right...)

Wrong. Well, kind of wrong. To me, this passage does speak to the necessity of ridding ourselves of everything that stands between ourselves and God. I think that includes all of the material crap we have (Sure, I’ll admit it, all of the stuff I have distracts me from more important things in life.) If it weren’t for the internet and DVR, among other things, I’d probably be more intentional in my community interactions and more conscious of a lot of the things happening around me. I do think, however, that this speaks to more than just the material things but also all of the other things in our lives that distract us from being in communion with God, whether those things are concrete or abstract.

One of the reasons I decided to do a year in EUIP was to try to live without as many of those things to distract me from God. I did leave a lot of things behind, but I haven’t gotten rid of everything. I’m working on it. I’m trying. I’m not there yet. But the thing is, I never will be. At least not by myself. And this is where the good news of this passage comes in. (No pun intended with the use of the phrase “good news,” by the way). When Jesus said how hard it would be for a rich man to get into heaven, even if he lived out the commandments in his everyday life, the disciples were seriously disturbed. I bet they were thinking "oh crap. If this guy can't do it, who can? And then, to make matters worse, Jesus says “For mortals it is impossible..." At first, this can be really hard to hear. For mortals it’s impossible? Well, where is the hope in that? We’re all screwed. Right? Right? Right…

Wrong again. For God, all things are possible. We can’t do it. But God can. As much as we follow the commandments and live out the Gospel in our everyday lives, that’s all we can do. All we can do is try (and hopefully try our best). The rest is up to God. We can’t save ourselves, so matter how hard we try. This can be hard to hear, too, though. I know I like to take charge, to be in control. When you like to be in control, how hard can it be to accept that you can’t do anything? I think we all know the answer to this question. It's hard. Really hard. Marta even talked about this in her blog a few weeks ago...

Something else that struck me about this passage (and was brought up by someone else in church today) was how this was kind of a call-to-action from Jesus to the rich man. The rich guy had spent his life following all of these commandments that we've been given. He doesn't murder, or commit adultery, or steal, or bear false witness. So what does he do? These commandments are all about not doing something. I mean, sure, the guy honors his parents but even that is very passive. So Jesus tells him to get active, to go out and do something!

Finally, the last thing that really stood out to me (and which was also pointed out in church) was how Jesus wasn't just rebuking this guy. He wasn't writing him off as not being good enough. Sure, he could be doing more, but "Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said, ‘You lack one thing; go, sell what you own, and give the money to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.’" Jesus loved him.


Well, this turned out to be much more preachy than I expected it to be, so my apologies. I've been struggling to find something to write for quite some time (hence my lack of posts for the past few weeks), but after church today I could stop thinking about this. So, for you, what is the bad news in this and what is the good news? You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, but I enjoyed contemplating it.

God Is Already There- One Less Thing To Pack!

Many great insights were passed on to the 50 YAGMs during our Orientation in Chicago at the end of August. Advice, discussions, counsel, and poignant theology made our week with presenters, alumni, and Global Mission personnel such a worthwhile week. A week for which now, a month into my experience, I’m so grateful. I’d like to share a story of how one such piece of insight has slapped me on the face as I experienced its relevance this week in England.

There are a variety of misconceptions about mission work. We discussed many of these notions at orientation as a way to dissect what it is we are (and aren’t) doing this year as Young Adults in Global Mission. A misconception may be a missionary takes God with them to an area that doesn’t have God already.
Like- “Hello (different area of the world)!! America is here! Surprise!!! And look who I brought with me??…..Jesssuuuuus!!!” “Awe…..you…shouldn’t have…??”
Surely I was to pack a good pair of walking shoes…..some pictures…a durable coat…ranch dressing…..a bible……did I forget the big man upstairs??

Joking aside, the point of our discussion was to realize our aim is not to bring God with us; rather we are sent out to discover how God is already there and at work.
The congregation at St. Peter’s in London Colney did not need Marta the happy American missionary to bring Jesus. My experience attending worship this Sunday made that clearly evident.

Ya know that type of energy that keeps you anxiously excited while nervously inhabiting the pit of your stomach? That energy that creeps up before interviews, auditions, when getting lost, and when you know you’ve done something completely stupid and wrong that needs fixing…? I had that energy going to church on Sunday morning by myself? Am I dressed appropriately? Will they be able to peg me as an outsider? Would I be able to follow directions and actually find the church? Will my attempt at finding a happy Protestant counterpart to SPEC go awry?
Because this placement/community/country sometimes feels similar to home, those moments that remind me that I’m far from home sneak up and, well, produce that nervous “audition energy”.

Fortunately, I got to St. Peter’s early and had some time to survey my surroundings. There were happy over-involved church ladies in the back greeting me. (“Isn’t that speeecial??”) There were only a few others sitting in the 15-20 pews of the small congregation. There was an overly-welcoming and carefully designed and detailed bulletin. There were hymns I knew and loved. From there I can’t count how many times throughout that morning I thought to myself, “Awe….bless their hearts!!” (In true Sue Diehm fashion…thanks mom.) As 10am drew closer, in came the babies. Lots and lots of babies. I was a minority not because I was American but because I didn’t have a 0-3 yr. old on my hip. At about 9:55am, I looked down to my left and found a little toddler friend taking up occupancy next to me in the pew. She looked up at me with big beautiful blue eyes and I nearly teared up. Little sis proceeded to spit her pacifier onto the floor later picking it up to give to me. Before I could graciously grab it, her apologetic mother (who looked like Helen Hunt) came and whisked her away back to their pew a few rows back.

There service was lovingly and awesomely disheveled. Their female pastor doubles as an organist and the rest of the music is on a backing track controlled by a chap in the balcony. Babies crying and crawling and many other little incidents that made me giggle inside. The final anthem was Shine Jesus Shine; complete with a cheesy contemporary Christian backing track and a box of instruments for the children of the congregation to play. I had held back most of my tears throughout the service, but kids playing instruments is where I draw the line. I took it all in and happily cried as the 2 year old in front of me shook his upside down maraca with his chubby little fist.

As I witnessed a little baby named Ava being baptized; as I was invited to the Lord’s Supper for the first time since being here; as I was affectionately sought out after church by two women delighted to see a new SPEC face, it dawned on me. Beyond the ministry at SPEC, it was here at St. Peter’s that I discovered God already at work in the UK. Not because I’m equipped with more tools, wisdom, or faith than anyone I encounter this year. Not because of my own personal decisions or feelings in the pit of my stomach. Not because I brought God in a big ole package with a bow on top. But rather because he brought me here to discover, discern, learn, relate and love.

Another tidbit I will always remember from orientation strikes me as I reflect on St. Peter’s: “The will of God will never take you where the grace of God cannot protect you.” Thanks be to God for the love and grace I nervously stumbled upon at St. Peter’s on Sunday! I have been so enriched in so many ways this past month. I look forward to all the things God will continue to have in store for me during this Global Mission year and beyond.

a very long week..

I think the title of this blog pretty much sums it up; this past week of work just seemed really long. Thanks to Labor Day the previous week, this was actually my first 40-hour week at Common Ground so it really was longer than what I was used to. At the same time, however, this week's feeling of endlessness had nothing to do with the number of hours I worked and everything to do with the fact that I actually started doing all of the things I'll be doing this year.

Coming into the program, I knew that my work would be intense. I'm working in an HIV center so many of our clients are HIV positive and/or have Hepatitis C and/or are injection drug users, etc. For me, in particular, I work with mostly homeless youth and young adults. Many of my clients are into hard drugs, some have kids, and a lot of them are kind of on the run from the police due to some minor infraction that turned into something much greater.

My week started off busily but still pretty low key. Because we receive a lot of government funding, we have to put records of every test we do into a state database (HIRS). Each test record includes basic client info (name, DOB, zip code, race/ethnicity, etc), the info from the lab slip (when the test was done, time it was done, temperature in the room, lot number, expiration date, etc), and then one or two forms that detail a client's sexual behavior, substance use, and STD history. Unfortunately, HIRS has been down since the beginning of July for some system changes and so no one in the office has been able to enter records for two and a half months. This week, however, we were once again able to put in records so we were trained on how to do that and given stacks of files to enter. It's not a bad job, though since I'm still new to it, it can be time consuming. Depending on how much information is in a particular record, it can take anywhere from 5-10 minutes to as much as 20 minutes. Sometimes clients don't fill things out completely correctly or HIRS still has some glitches, so I've had a couple of files take as much as 30 minutes to enter. Imagine doing that for two and a half months worth of files... Luckily, with a few of us working on it, we were able to get all the way through the July files this week and started on the August files.

Learning HIRS was actually really good because it gave me something to do (I probably spent 10+ hours this week on HIRS records), but it was the easy part of the week. One of the cool things about Common Ground is that we have several remote testing sites which include a high school and a drug/alcohol treatment center; this, in turn, allows us to reach a much larger population. Since I am the youth specialist in our prevention department, I will be in charge of the remote testing at Santa Monica High School (Samohi). So, on Thursday mornings for the next nine months or so, I will be doing HIV tests for Samohi students. I did not, however, know I would be doing this. Until this part Thursday, I hadn't even done an actual test but had just observed one of our more experienced counselors. So, I was taken over to Samohi on Thursday morning and given a room in which to test and then I was on my own. I was told it would probably be slow because it was the beginning of the year and that I probably should have brought a book. Well, that was completely incorrect. I actually ended up doing three tests! My first three tests. Ever.

I think the idea of testing at Samohi is GREAT. It makes the service so accessible to students who otherwise might not have the courage to go to a different, more public, testing center. In practice, however, it was a REALLY tough way to start my career in testing. The hardest part of testing at Samohi, at least for me, was that the kids are so young! I try to stay away from calling people kids because a lot of people find it kind of demeaning (plus, I'm only 22 and barely an adult myself), but that's really all these people were. Just kids. They were in kindergarten when 9/11 happened. They were toddlers when NSYNC and BSB broke onto the music scene.

It was so hard to sit in a room talking about sex, STDs, and HIV with these kids. The first test I did was for a girl who was so obviously scared and, although we talked for a while about her situation, there was little I could do to assuage her fears. I think that is when it really hit me how intense this year is going to be. It was a frustrating day and, to be perfectly honest, I'm still working on processing that experience.

Friday was another tough day; my co-worker who is in charge of our evening drop-in times was out sick so I had to lead drop-in by myself! I was so stressed about it all day. It ended up going fairly well, but it was still really hard because I haven't been there long enough to feel like a strong authority figure and so, had there been any big problems, I wouldn't have had a clue how to handle it.

Despite it being a really rough week, I do like my job. Even though testing at Samohi was really tough, it was also a really good experience because I felt like I could really help the kids over there because they're young and uninformed. They seemed more receptive to information than some older clients. And even though drop-in was tough, I know I can do it.

Sorry this is kind of ending abruptly, but I need to get some stuff done and get some sleep before the new weeks starts!


Peace,

Jordan

St. Stephen's Episcopal Church, Hollywood

I know I just posted last night, but I wanted to take a minute to write about how much I love our new church!

One of the great things about EUIP is that we actually live at a church and so we're very closely linked with a spiritual community. We occupy the upstairs of the parish house on the campus of St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in Hollywood. Downstairs is the main church office as well as a preschool by day. St. Stephen's has two preschools on campus (one Head State preschool and a fine arts pre-school) and also has a theater company on campus, called Write Act. Overall, it's just a really great place to be.

Today after church, there was an informal ministry fair where we all sat around and talked about the different ministries of the church and how to get involved. There are a lot of different ministries at St. Stephen's, from the ride ministry (giving elderly people a lift to church) to altar guild (setting up for the service). I'm hoping to get involved in a couple of different ministries: baking communion bread and working in the community garden we're trying to start. I think some of my roommates are going to be working with the Sunday School and youth group ministries. There really is something for everyone.

The really awesome thing I want to highlight, though, is that nearly 100 percent of St. Stephen's parishioners are involved in at least one of the different ministries (and many are involved in more than one)! I've seen plenty of churches where most people just go to a service once a week but contribute very little else to the life of the church. Especially in small churches with tiny budgets, parishioners are needed to help out with different things, plus it really helps build a strong church community. I'm really looking forward to my involvement with St. Stephen's this year; it's so refreshing to be a part of such a thriving, giving church community!

emotional tourism

I've felt like a tourist a lot lately. Moving to a new place always leaves me feeling like that for a little while, and in a city like Los Angeles (particularly where we live in Hollywood) where there actually are tons of tourists all the time, it's really easy to get caught up in it. But I've now been in the city for a few weeks and while I'll admit that a few weeks isn't an extremely long period of time, it's actually starting to feel like I'm an Angeleno and not just a tourist. I've figured out the subway, used the bus, and driven not only through LA but on the freeways around the city. I've found grocery stores and thrift stores, a couple of bars I'll probably frequent, and a few other hangouts.

I was so happy when I realized I no longer felt so much like a tourist (I still feel that way a little, but the feeling is going away a bit every day...), but this week I've experienced feelings relating to tourism again, but this time I feel like an emotional tourist. My housemate Adam, who also works with me, used this phrase the other day and I think it really fits what I'm feeling in regard to my job right now.

To begin, let me say that I really do like my job. The people are great and I can see already that Common Ground provides so many great services. One of the main parts of my job is working with the Homeless Youth Peer Education program (HYPE). HYPE is three evenings a week; Common Ground stays open and we provide food, a place to hang out, clothing, counseling, needle exchange, internet access, and various other services. As great as Common Ground and HYPE are, however, I feel like an emotional tourist. So many of the clients, particularly with HYPE, are people who come in all the time for services. They've built relationships with the other people who work there but so far, I'm just an outsider. I don't know them and I don't know there stories. It will take time to build rapport and strong relationships. In the meanwhile, I kind of feel like I don't belong. Like a tourist going to a new place, I can really enjoy my time at Common Ground and learn a lot, but for a while I'm just a tourist.

It's a strange period of transition. I really love what I'm doing and I look forward to the day that I feel like I've built really solid relationships with my clients the way many of my co-workers have. I've now worked three evenings at HYPE and it gets easier every shift. I'm sure that soon I'll stop being an emotional tourist; like with going to a new place, it's all about stepping out of your comfort zone.

Other than feeling like an emotional tourist, I'm totally loving my job. I've been doing a lot of needle exchanges and observed my first HIV test/counseling session. After a few more observations, I'll be out on my own. I'm realizing already that this is going to be an intense year, but I have a supportive staff at work, great roommates, and excellent family and friends (even if they are scattered around the world).

Peace,
Jordan

U2Charist

My roommates and I were invited out to a U2Charist here in Chicago. 3 of us were able to attend. I have never listened to a lot of U2 music, but I knew the general premise of the service and could definitely get on board with the idea. For those that are unaware about 5 years ago an Episcopalian woman (congrats Jordan) decided to create a worship service using the songs of the rock band U2 to create a theme of social justice. U2 has been gracious enough to allow these type of worship services to continue as long as all the money donated goes to an organization that is furthering the UN Millennium Development Goals. (http://www.un.org/millenniumgoals/) I was lucky enough to be invited to a service with a live tribute band. I had a really great time, now granted I know it would've been even better if I really knew the songs, but even so just the general atmosphere was fantastic. Also this was a way I could honor the memory of 9/11/2001 while still recognizing all of the terror this day and our country has caused worldwide.

Several thoughts occurred to me as I was participating in this goal. One in particular still sticks with me. The church we were worshiping was Fourth Presbyterian right across from the John Hancock Center down on Michigan Ave. As my roommate Bret put it, it was a "serious sanctuary." The sanctuary was beautiful. A very regal place. http://www.fourthchurch.org/worship2.html That's a picture of the sanctuary. As I listened to the lyrics of a modern day rock band in "God's house" and stared up at the stained glass window of Jesus with his arms outstretched I felt a true sense of awe that the church, the community, Christ could be open in a way that really allows us to reach people where they are. Now a U2Charist is not going to appeal to everyone, but I was so impressed by these opportunities that the Christian community has created to reach out and really speak to the message of the Gospel.

Speaking of the Gospel the short message given this quote sticks with me, "If you think the Gospel is about anything but changing the world then you're mistaken." Another important quote from the evening was given during the benediction, "Go out and remember who you are, remember who God is, know who God is calling you to be."

As we left I saw two young individuals and who appeared to be a mother with her two children (probably around the ages of 8 and 6) sitting around a bench outside the church, on the bench was the remnants of a McDonald's dinner. As I walked outside I over heard the young man talking to the woman about who Christ was. He was saying, "yeah, that's what we're trying to do, love people because he loved people. He tells us that's how we're supposed to live, just loving each other." The other young woman was talking to the boy just about his life. I was reminded so wholly of the way that Christ reaches out to us and how Christ reaches out to others through us. I think this is something I've been forgetting lately.

This is a song we turned into our prayer. Let it be your prayer to:

Lose Control

Greetings blog readers!

My name is Marta Diehm- recent Capital grad serving through the ELCA's Young Adults in Global Mission program in the UK. I am living and working with a youth retreat ministry outside of London. Here is one of my latest musings about a particularly poignant moment from this week:


I lost my control yesterday. My laptop was relaxing comfortably on my desk when my deordorant stick fell from the overhead shelf and landed on the keyboard, therefore popping off the bottom left-hand corner CTRL key.
After a vailant yet unsuccessful effort from my friend Anthony to pop it back on, I am without a control key.
I've lost my control. Interesting indeed.
Ever since my wildly eventful and interesing YAGM Discernment weekend that led me to the UK, there has been many-a small reminders of God's presence and his work and plan throughout this year. I know this year will continue throwing me all kinds of surprises, challenges, joys, and lessons that remind me that its ok to just be. Its ok not to have a plan. Its ok to let go...and that God is certainly good!
I was later told that there is a 2nd CTRL key to the right of the spacebar. Good to know its there, I suppose. But I'm gonna try to live without it.


--Marta

Finally here...

I've been in Los Angeles for six days now and though a lot has happened and I'm still processing quite a bit of it, I do want to share a few experiences and thoughts I've had so far.

I arrived in Los Angeles at 11:00am on Wednesday and met up with two of the other interns at the airport and we were then picked up by our program coordinator and taken to our orientation retreat at the retreat center at the Cathedral Center of St. Paul. We were the first three interns there and so we wandered around the neighborhood (Echo Park area) for a while. It was so wonderful to finally meet the other interns. We spent the rest of the evening getting to know each other and going over program information and then a late night chat.

Thursday, my first full day in Los Angeles, started bright and early. Along with the other Common Ground intern, I had to go to the Office of Aids Programs and Policy to take a pre-test to be fully admitted to counseling/testing training. We were given bus directions and tokens by our program director the night before, with more instructions on where to meet the rest of the interns when we were finished. We set off early the next morning (8:18) to make the "ten minute walk" to our bus stop for our 8:33 bus. Unfortunately, the ten minute walk was really a fifteen minute walk and we arrived at the stop just in time to see our bus driving off. EUIP Life Lesson #1: Always allow plenty of time for travel in LA. We waited and took the next bus fifteen minutes later, but were very worried we'd be unable to take the test and have to wait for the next testing session which would have meant we'd miss much of the day's orientation activities. Luckily, we were still allowed to take the test (and we felt slightly comforted by the fact that someone walked in fifteen minutes later than us!). We passed with flying colors and then set off on the next leg of our adventure, meeting the other interns down on Skid Row.

Down on Skid Row, we had a sort of orientation to the area by a couple of social services workers from the area. They told us (and showed us) a lot about low income housing and different shelters and clinics that are on Skid Row. It is my understanding that LA's Skid Row has one of the largest stable homeless populations in the country (7,000-8,000). We had the opportunity to see a low-income housing building and meet with the manager to talk about what he does and how he runs his building. We also visited Los Angeles Mission and a brand new clinic on Skid Row. It was an eye-opening experience to see such extreme poverty in the city. I actually saw a drug deal take place only about five feet from where I was standing, and had people scream about the evils of white people as we walked by on the sidewalk. Although it's been a few days since this took place, I'm still having a very difficult time processing the experience of spending the morning on Skid Row. Throughout this entire experience, I've been really struggling with feelings of extreme guilt about my white privilege. I'm trying to work through those feelings because I know that simply feeling guilty is neither healthy nor productive. The experience on Skid Row, though, was difficult because we were a predominately white, middle class group being led around a poverty-stricken urban area. I think it was important to see Skid Row, but I really just felt like I was on a campus tour back in the days when I was looking at colleges. I realize that any of us probably would have looked completely out of place, but I still felt uncomfortable.

Despite a rough morning on Skid Row, the rest of the day's orientation was really great. We spent the afternoon and early evening going through information about our living situation, appointing different housemates to different jobs which will rotate throughout the year, including chaplain and meal coordinator. We spent the rest of the night just sitting around and talking with each other around an outdoor propane campfire on the roof of the retreat center.

On Friday we had our Americorps day with mounds of paperwork and then moved into our apartment! We live on the second floor of the parish house at St. Stephen's Episcopal Church in Hollywood. Over the past few weeks, the members of the church worked so hard to re-do the apartment, which had been church offices until the beginning of August. They painted, re-did all of the hardwood floors, and put in a beautiful kitchen, as well as a bit of other decorating. We spent most of the weekend settling in and were officially welcomed to the church on Sunday. There was a great bilingual service (there are usually two - one English and one Spanish) and a lovely potluck. They even made us care packages with a homemade guide of things to do in the area, a t-shit and CD, some goodies, and beautiful stationary. They have also given us tons of food, including a lot of great produce and several bags of groceries to start out.

Today was my first day of training for my job as an HIV tester/counselor. Some of the training was a little boring, but it was pretty good overall and I definitely learned a lot. The day ended with our OraQuick Advance HIV Proficiency Exam. In short, we had to perform five HIV antibody tests on some controls, document them, pass an observation, and then interpret the results from pictures of other tests to see if they were negative, preliminary positive (positive results always mean a second test will be done), or invalid. It was a bit stressful, but I survived day one. We had a little bit of review homework, which I just finished, but it wasn't too much. It's just helping to reinforce what I've been learning...

One exciting thing about today was that I took the subway! It was my first time on the LA subway system. Though not too extensive, it did seem pretty nice. In fact, I'd heard so many terrible things about LA public transit but I've been generally pretty happy with it so far.

I'm going to try and post a bit more often now that I'm here and getting settled, so hopefully I'll have some new and exciting things to share soon! Thanks for reading...


Peace,
Jordan

Grace not Perfection

One of the purposes of taking this year off from school was to give me time to complete the candidacy process to become a pastor with the ELCA. There were two initial goals here. One, I wanted to gain real life ministry experience that can simply not be gained in a classroom. This experience will hopefully serve as part of the discernment process for me and give me a chance to fully explore some of my ministry options. Second, there is a lot of paperwork and interviews and such that goes into becoming a pastor and it was simply more than I could complete during my senior year of college (though I have a new respect for those who did complete it during that time).

It turns out that the ELCA does not just allow anyone with a Masters of Divinity become a pastor. I suppose that’s for the best and there is certainly good reason to ensure that modern pastors will actually be able to care for their church and community. Nonetheless, there is a lot of work that has to be done before I even begin seminary. I have already completed a four-page application with an attached six-page essay. I completed a twenty-five page psychological autobiography and health questionnaire and took numerous personality profiles and tests. My most recent experience culminated the psychological portion of my evaluation process.

Last week I spent three full days (essentially from 9-5 on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday) at the Midwest Ministry Development office as part of the group Group Candidate Program. What does that mean? Well that is an excellent question. And since you are still reading at this point I am operating under the assumption that you want to know. The Group Candidate Program is an evaluation that is designed to 1) save various churches money by doing a group process rather than individual and 2) allow for group interaction as part of the learning process. Since that doesn’t actually answer your question, I spent three days looking at who I was and how that fit into my picture of what my ministry was. I did this with five other future seminarians (3 other Lutherans at 2 United Church of Christ). We looked in depth at our Myers-Briggs tests as well as the Wagner Enneagram Personality Styles Scale (I really just like to say that one fast so it sounds more impressive). These allowed the group to look at how we interact with other people and offer feedback to one another on how this may positively or negatively affect our ministries.

The psychology major in me actually enjoyed most of it. The masochist in me particularly enjoyed the opportunity to take the MMPI-2 (Minnesota Multi-Phasic Inventory- Second Version, another fun one to say quickly and impressively). The MMPI is composed of 567 true or false questions. It seems simple enough until you are about an hour and a half in and you realize you still aren’t done. Typically the MMPI is used in clinical assessment to determine what, if any, psychological concerns the subject may have. If you have ever been psychologically evaluated for a court trial you would have taken the MMPI. It allows psychologists to test for depression, psychosis, phobia, mania, delusions, and a wide array of other concerns. It also contains validity scales that allow psychologists to see if the subject is lying, exaggerating, or underplaying their symptoms. It is all very statistical and I don’t know exactly how it works. Anyway, after 2 hours of testing and an hour session with a psychologist it turns out that I’m not crazy. In fact, despite my sister’s opinion, it may even be said, especially by a psychologist that was evaluating me, that I’m a “well-adjusted young adult.”

I have since had some time to reflect on this and the importance of this process. This psychological evaluation comes as a burden to many who are going through the candidacy process. I heard a number of horror stories going into the process that made me fairly nervous about the whole thing. Pastors who said that their words were misinterpreted to mean things that they didn’t intend or that the counselors were just digging for issues where there weren’t any. I don’t doubt that their experiences were legitimate. Perhaps the process has changed since their day. Certainly there are at least new counselors working here. Nonetheless, I think it is important that we as future pastors take the time to evaluate our own lives past and present.

Pastors do not need to be perfect, praise God. If we expected perfection we wouldn’t have any pastors left. But pastors should be in-tune with themselves and their own experiences. If a pastor is unaware of their tendency to be overly extraverted then they may actually be scaring people off without knowing it. A more serious example would be a pastor that went through a divorce without really dealing with and understanding their emotions and experiences attached to that. How would this pastor be expected to counsel a couple going through marital problems or even a couple looking to get married? Divorce, or other tragic experiences, should not exclude anyone from the candidacy process but it is important that we seek healing and understanding in our own lives before we try to pass that healing and understanding on to others.

Christ does not demand perfection. While we were still sinners he died for us (Romans 5:8). And it is by grace, not our own works, that we are saved through faith and this is a gift from God (Ephesians 2:8-10). But to serve God’s people we must serve ourselves. The ever famous, though perhaps clichéd, analogy of a cup comes to mind. We, if you imagine our lives as cups, have a limited amount of water to pour out. Worse yet if our water is tainted by our own lives we will simply be pouring tainted water out to the children. But Jesus says in John that he is the living water that does not end and whoever drinks of it will never thirst (John 4). When we focus our lives in the grace and forgiveness of God we are overfilled with pure clean water that runs to all of those around us. This is the call for pastors, and frankly all children of God. Not perfection, but an awareness of our own brokenness and a dependence of the forgiveness and strength of God! In this we will serve His Kingdom through the works of our hands. For if we focus ourselves on his grace how can we stop from showing this grace to those who need it most.

One week before school

Buenos dias everyone!


I am writing this entry on a friend's computer while drinking some raspberry tea on a comfy brown couch in McAllen, Texas. My friends have kindly offered their couch as a place for me to sleep while I am waiting for my teaching assignment. For all of you who went to Cedar Point at the beginning of this summer, I can only describe these past few months as a roller coaster ride. Even though I graduated with majors in Organizational Communication and Spanish (Religion minor... thanks Dr. Bussie and Amanda), I had never taken an education class in my four years of college. For the past three months, I have been learning to be a teacher.




My commitment to social justice has lead me to Teach for America, an organization that works to close the academic achievement gap in the United States. Even though our country has the capacity to give every child an excellent education, students from poorer more rural/urban districts tend to leave school at a much lower academic level than their peers in wealthier districts. The mission of Teach for America is to send capable college graduates into under serviced areas. The graduates are trained to be effective teachers in the conditions of their region and it is our charge to empower students to make significant gains in the classroom. If we do our jobs, the students in our classes will grow over one academic level in only one school year. In other words, we are trying to help our students catch up to the academic level of other districts. (To read more about Teach for America and their mission you should check out, teachforamerica.org)


I began my journey with Teach for America, June 1, 2009. I traveled from Sandusky, Ohio to McAllen, Texas for a week of Induction. For that first week, the 100 new corp members and I were introduced to the area and the Teach for America staff that will be our support for the next two years. The area is beautiful and we were able to kayak on the Rio Grande and visit South Padre Island. My friend Kate took some excellent pictures of our afternoon at South Padre Island. During the school year, I expect the Island to be a great place to meet with friends to play volleyball and ride the waves. There is a great surfing volunteer group that meets to clean up the beach and my friends and I expect to help with the effort and hopefully get a few tips about surfing.


Sunset on the beach.



There weren't too many people on the beach that day.

I played volleyball for about 2 hours with a group of fellow TFAers.

I can already tell it's going to be a great two years.

From Induction, we caravaned up to Houston for five weeks of intense teacher training. Every morning at 6:00, the 830 corp members would head down the stairs of Moody Towers (a dorm at the University of Houston) and grab some breakfast. From there, we grabbed a packed lunch on our way out to catch the bus to our schools. I was placed in a school called Deady Middle School. For four weeks, my co-teacher Michelle and I were in charge of 1st period sixth grade reading. I would teach first period then spend the rest of the school day in sessions that taught me how to be a teacher. Around 4:00 p.m., the buses would take us back to Moody Towers and the rest of the evening was spent in sessions or lesson planning for the next day.

Even though the month in Houston was a bit stressful at times, I really loved all of the people I met. It is great to be in an environment where the majority of people are fighting for the same social change. There is a welcoming and supportive culture to Teach for America and I have met some truly wonderful people during my short time with the organization. In my collaborative group at Deady, I got to know people from all over the country. I worked with corp members that will be teaching in Hawaii, Houston, and the Mississippi Delta. We had an amazing advisor who was able to guide me through the tough days and still has been helping me now that I am in the Rio Grande Valley. Our group was very connected and there was a community feel that made me feel much better during the stressful days.

Michelle and I working hard on our last day of teaching.

My collaborative group during Institute Training.

I am hoping to visit some of these amazing friends during my two years in TFA.

More than just the other teachers, I really loved my students this summer. There were certainly difficult days where I learned what not to do... but by the end of the four weeks, it was tough to say good-bye to the kids. Many of them were English Language Learners who had learned Spanish as their primary language. Reading was something that many of them considered to be frustrating. However, because of Michelle's awesome contacts, we were able to get a donated class set of Holes by Louis Sacher. The students were really excited to be able to take the books home at the end of the summer. Many of them had either seen the movie or read the book in Spanish so they were really interested in the reading. My favorite moments of the summer were when the students were visibly excited about learning and reading. I hope I will be able to re-produce that excitement with my class in the RGV (Rio Grande Valley).

The halls of Deady Middle School.

After five weeks of intense training, I hopped on another plane back to Sandusky, Ohio. I spent two weeks with my family, meeting newborn cousins and just enjoying the company of my family. With planning for my upcoming class and trip to Texas, those two weeks flew by and before I knew it, mom and I packed my itty-bitty car for our cross country trip to Texas. We took our time and made it to McAllen in three days. It was a great trip seeing the country with my mom. We listened to books on tape, survived tornado watches in Tennessee, hiked in Hot Springs National Park and listened to some great music on our way to southern Texas. As always, it was tough to say good-bye, but both mom and I will be busy with our classes this year.

Staying in McAllen has been wonderful for the past two weeks. I have been couch surfing at an apartment where three of my close Teach for America friends live. Even though Teach for America guarantees that every corp member will have a job, it can take a few months for every person to be placed in a school. Out of the 100 members, there are still about 9 who do not know exactly where they will be teaching. At the current moment, I think I will be teaching 6th grade writing at Besteiro Middle School in Brownsville. I have been recommended for hire but the district has over-hired teachers so I am still waiting to hear if I will be teaching there. If I don't get the job, I could be teaching any subject from grade4-grade8. During this period of uncertainty, I have been tempted to be a bit impatient but those feelings are easily washed away by the kindness and support of my friends and family here and afar. I know that being in Texas will be a great opportunity to practice living in a way that promotes social justice. So, until I hear more news about my job... hasta luego y que todo vaya bien!

-Megan

Three and a half weeks to go...

When I first started the application process for Episcopal Service Corps, the idea of doing something completely new for a year seemed great but yet very far removed from my life at the time. I started the application in January and so the possibility of moving to a new city was still eight months away. By the time I finished the application, went through a month of interviews with the various programs, and decided where I would be headed, it was already late April but yet it was still over four months until my program would begin. Now, though, it's a mere three and a half weeks until I hop on a plane to Los Angeles. It seems completely surreal that the summer has flown by so quickly and that I'll be moving across the country at the end of this month, but I'm really excited.

One thing adding to the excitement is that I now know where my work placement will be. I'll be working at an HIV community center in Santa Monica called Common Ground. My position will be as a prevention advocate, so I'll be doing a lot of health education type things, including working with the Teen Peer Education Program and the Homeless Youth Prevention Education program. Additionally, I'll be doing some HIV testing and counseling, some beach outreach, and whatever else they tell me to do. The magnitude of what I'm going to be doing has started to sink it, but I'm unbelievably excited. I'm sure that it won't be easy, but I am sure that it will be such a rewarding, educational experience and will really help me to learn to better love and serve everyone I meet.

One really cool thing about my job is that I will have another one of my housemates working with me. We are both prevention advocates, though our jobs entail a few different things (I'm working more with youth/young adults and he'll be doing more general work), I think it will be nice to have another intern with me at Common Ground. Additionally, I've had the chance to talk to Common Ground's current EUIP intern a couple of times and that has been really helpful. She's going to be staying in LA and has told me they she is always there if I need to talk about work or EUIP, or just have someone to hang out around LA. It's really nice and reassuring to know that I'll already have a bit of a support system established in LA, even before I'm there.

I'll keep y'all updated as my move gets closer and I get settled in LA, but for now...


Peace,
Jordan

Figuring it out....

Unlike my fellow bloggers, I actually do not yet know where I will be doing my service placement for the next year. Unlike LVC, the discerning of volunteer placements is one of the later steps in ESC and comes after we have picked out a city for the year. As of last night, I have a list of all of the potential work sites and jobs and, within the next couple of weeks, I will be figuring out exactly where I will be working next year.

This part of the discernment process is a little overwhelming, to say the least. In the next two days I have to rate my choices and write a little bit about why I preferenced the top two spots the way I did. I have papers with job descriptions and I've looked at websites of the organizations with which I might be paired; interviews will come next week. I feel a little bit like I did when I was back in high school trying to figure out what my program of study in college would be, with only a course catalog of descriptions to help me pick my future path. Back then, I had the luxury of being able to try things out for fit (and I sure did), but this is a little bit different. When I pick a work site in the next couple of weeks, that is what I'm doing for the next year. As fellow blogger Amanda pointed out to me the other day, this is the first time in our lives that we will ever have done something for a full year. Sure, I've gone through nearly two decades of school, but that's really only about nine months out of the year, and in college we change classes every semester. ESC (and LVC), on the other hand, are both about 52-53 weeks. It's hard to make a decision of what I am going to do every day for the next year when I don't know what the experience will be. While I realize that my life is about to drastically change, I really have no concept of what that will look like.

I have six potential work placements. Two of them are as teacher's aides in a couple of different school settings. One is as an employment specialist, helping clients find jobs. One is as a housing caseworker, helping find affordable low-income housing for a caseload of fifty different families. The last two are as prevention advocates at a HIV community center. Earlier today, I spent about three hours in Cup O Joe, a coffee shop near Capital, working on making pro/con lists and trying to discern if any one of these placements sounds better or worse than the others. Unfortunately, I've made little progress. The pros for one placement often seem to be pros for another, and the same goes for my list of cons. Right now I'm really wishing I was more proficient in Spanish; so many of the jobs list fluency in Spanish as a preferred skill but that is definitely one I do not have.

As I sit here and write this, there is a little bit of that ever present fear of the unknown in the back of my mind. I'm very sure that what I'm doing is the right thing for me. In fact, I don't know if I've ever been more sure of anything in my life, but it's really just a little unnerving to have no concept of what the next year holds. Since I've already taken the plunge, though, I guess it's time to start swimming.


Peace,
Jordan

Charity, Social Justice, Caritas, Ubuntu...

During one of my Episcopal Service Corps interviews I was asked to describe what I see as being the relationship between social justice and charity. I don’t remember my exact answer and, seeing as how it was off the cuff, I’m sure it wasn’t very eloquent. Since the interview, however, I’ve mulled over that question quite a few times.

A few days ago, I was hanging out with blogger-to-be Case and we were talking about this very subject. Within the course of the conversation, we started talking about caritas. Neither Case nor I were positive about the definition of the word, but using our super sweet critical thinking skills, we concluded that its root must have something to do with charity or caring. I eventually looked up the definition and found caritas defined as charity, Christian love of humankind, the Christian concept of brotherly love, love for all people, and an unlimited loving-kindness towards all others. There may be a much greater theological explanation for this term, but for the time being I’ll go off of the definitions I found.

I really appreciate this idea of caritas. As Christians, we’re called to love and serve others so this idea of caring, charitable love really makes sense to me. Unfortunately, this idea seems so different from our society’s idea of charity. The idea of charity that pervades our culture just means giving money or goods to those in need. Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing inherently wrong with this idea of charity. There are a lot of amazing organizations whose work depends on charitable contributions and many people who give charitably do so with great love and generosity in their hearts. With that being said, however, there are great flaws in the way our society views charity. The greatest (and most heartbreaking) of which is the way in which our society’s idea of charity creates boundaries, or otherizes. When we give money to a charity or donate clothes to a Goodwill store, it allows us to draw the line between us and “them.” We are the charitable ones, and they are the impoverished. The entire relationship between those who give “charity” and those who receive it is based on what the former can do for the latter; there is no mutuality. Charity, as is custom in our culture, perpetuates a polarized society of the “haves” and “have nots.” In a society where many have to depend on the kindness of others to eat or be clothed, it doesn’t really seem to me that people take to heart the idea what we are all created equally.

Social justice, on the other hand, does exactly the opposite. Social justice recognizes and exalts the humanity of all people. Social justice works to change systems and people by valuing each person equally. Social justice isn’t about picking an organization to which you’ll give a hundred dollars a couple of times a year. Social justice is about community and recognizing that every person is valuable. Social justice is about ensuring that all people are entitled to dignity. To be perfectly honest, I’ve been writing this blog for three days and still can’t come up with a definition of social justice that really captures its essence. I wish I had my copy of Desmond Tutu’s No Future Without Forgiveness with me because he talks a lot about the idea of ubuntu, which, I think, is very much related to what I’m trying to say. Since I can’t directly quote it, I will paraphrase the best I can from memory. Tutu writes that ubuntu is about recognizing that our humanity is tied up in the humanity of others. I am human because you are human and when I do something to dehumanize you, I also dehumanize myself.

It’s hard to love people you don’t know and our society’s concept of charity allows this impersonality to permeate our thoughts and actions. Social justice and caritas, however, address the fact that we are all human and are worthy of love. As one definition said, caritas is an unlimited loving-kindness to all of humankind. And so it is my hope that, in the next year, I learn to live not just a charitable life but a socially just life. I hope that I am able to remember just how much my humanity is tied up in the humanity of everyone else. And I hope, most of all, that I learn to exalt the humanity of all people.

Prophets of a Future Not Our Own

I decided this deserved its own post.  Here is the reminder I need.

Prophets of a Future Not Our Own

It helps, now and then, to step back and take the long view. The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is beyond our vision. We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work. No thing we do is complete, which is another way of saying that the kingdom always lies beyond us. No statement says all that could be said. No prayer fully expresses our faith. No confession brings perfection. No pastoral visit brings wholeness. No program accomplishes the church's mission. No set of goals and objectives includes everything. 

This is what we are about: we plant seeds that one day will grow. We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise. We lay foundations that will need further development. We provide yeast that produces effects beyond our capabilities. We cannot do everything and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that. This enables us to do something, and to do it very well. It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for God's grace to enter and do the rest. 

We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker. We are workers, not master builders, ministers, not messiahs. We are prophets of a future not our own. Amen

(Archbishop Oscar Romero)

Vocation, part II.

Let us not tire of preaching love; it is the force that will overcome the world.  --Oscar Romero

So what led to LVC, Chicago, and the Howard Area Community Center?  Calling. Vocation. God. You know, the usual.  

I joined a church when I was fifteen.  I embarked on this endeavor with the support, but not companionship of my family, who left the Catholic Church years before I was born.  After trying several I finally found a community I wanted to be a part of and was baptized in September of 2003 at Hope Lutheran Church in Farmington Hills, Michigan.  At a youth retreat I met representatives from Capital University and while as a school it didn't fit many of my “checklist” I decided to visit.  Immediately upon that first visit I knew I'd attend Capital.   During my years at Capital I made it a personal task to understand what I was really saying when I said I was a Lutheran.  I found that I really did choose a church with which I was theologically compatible for the most part.  I also found a deep love of liberation theology and social justice.

These two things left me to strongly consider a service-year.  Representatives from the Lutheran Volunteer Corps kept visiting Capital and even though I knew all the answers I couldn't help attending their presentations.  I felt like Rory from Gilmore Girls who kept checking to see if anything had changed in the Harvard guidebook (too much? sorry).  I loved the idea that LVC was not only a year of service, but really focused on the individual.  This meshed very well with my belief that this year would be transformational in my life and it was not that I was going to be helping the helpless, but rather being in community and “doing life” with others.  I valued deeply LVC's commitments to social justice, simplistic living and intentional community.  I am passionate about social justice, I could use a few lessons about how to live more simply and I thrive in community.  There you have my decision to join LVC.  

I went through the application process earlier this year and by March was selecting locations to interview with.  As I'm fairly undecided about my future and passionate about a lot of things that narrowing process was extremely difficult.  I choose to heed the advice of wiser, past-LVC volunteers that continually reminding me not to choose a city, but rather choose by placement.  My final three interviews came through with a Immigrant detention lawyer service in Washington, DC, a case manager for asylum seekers in the Twin Cities, and a crisis specialist with the Howard Area Community Center in Chicago.  

I went through the interview process and although each had something to offer.  I just really fit well with HACC.  The responsibilities of this position are to run an emergency food pantry and to  offer help with a heating assistance program.  I have had prior experience with both of these through my time at Lutheran Social Services of Central Ohio's Choice Food Pantries.  

When I was able to ask questions of my interviewer, her answers resonated deeply within my soul.  Specifically I recall her discussion of the HACC (which does virtually every type of assistance).  She said that the HACC promotes education and family care.  It is important to the staff at the HACC that they are not enabling the cycle of poverty, but instead offering the individuals in the area resources to overcome their poverty and to contribute to the community more positively.  When I inquired about how as an agency HACC was contributing to ending violence in the area she again spoke to their commitment to transforming individuals and families within the area and through establishing relationships and demonstrating the negative effects of violence (even down to corporal punishment all the way through gun control) they were attempting to address the problem from a grassroots level.

Earlier this week I received my tentative housing assignment.  All of the LVC houses are named after an important activist.  I will be living in Casa Oscar Romero.  There are  truly fewer places that could be more fitting for me.  Archbishop Oscar Romero was one of the first liberation theologians I read.  I keep a prayer of sorts that he wrote posted in my room as a reminder (I'll post it at the end of this blog).  I have begun the introduction process with my three roommates.  Our home is four miles from my placement, seven blocks from the lake and extremely close to St. Augustine College, the only bilingual college in the mid-west.  

From the few details I have currently, this looks to be an extremely transformational year.  Perhaps even more than I realize now.

Peace,

Amanda 

Vocation

The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.  --Fredrick Buechner

Having attended a Lutheran (ELCA) University the discussion of vocation has been an instrumental part of my education.  Throughout our years at Capital we are challenged to consider not only what we'd like in a career, but truly what is our vocation.  Our calling, if you will.  This discussion has had a profound impact on my future.  It has allowed me to move forward without fear for security and instead allow God to move me where I should go.  

I, like my fellow blogger Jordan, cannot pinpoint a moment where I decided that I would serve.  It was much the same for me as it was for her, a series of events, a precisely placed community that led me to grow, and a truthful consideration that nothing else made sense for me.  

I will be serving through the Lutheran Volunteer Corps.  I will be a full-time staff member at the Howard Area Community Center located in Rogers' Park, Chicago.   (More details on the actual program later). 

More than anything other one thing I can attribute my desire to my experience in a course at Capital entitled "Liberation Theology: Service-Learning" and the community I gained from that course.  This course was the brain child of a group of dedicated students that had already participated in the Liberation Theology course offered by my religion department (I was not one of those students, but they have since become some of my greatest friends and most sincere motivators).  The students were profoundly effected by the initial course, but felt that the course was missing a significant component: actual service.  The newer course was constructed around several readings by prominent authors, discussion by the group, and weekly service, as individuals, with one of three local agencies.  I chose to work with the Lutheran Social Services Choice Food Pantries in Columbus, Ohio. 

My time in actual class transformed me intellectually.  The readings and my fellow students deeply challenged the way in which I viewed the world.  Liberation Theology is a movement that began primarily in the Catholic Church in Latin America in the later half of the 19th Century.  As a theology it empowers the poor against the oppressive structures created by this world.  One of the most difficult experiences was to admit that I too was a propagator of injustice simply because I am a member of a ruling class that benefits from an oppressive system.   

My time in service transformed me as an individual.  The time I spent in the Food Pantry challenged any and all preconceived notions I had, especially those that I did not realize I had.  I still today recall specific clients I helped, the first person I ever took around, the woman that was unbelievably grateful when I just listened, the man that restored my hope in family.  These individuals were amazing people I am so blessed to have met.  I volunteered at one pantry throughout the school year and interned at another location throughout the summer.  The staff gave me hope in the ability to create change and also made me realize that we are all flawed even those trying to do good.  

Throughout this course, and the rest of my time at Capital, I realized I simply could do nothing other than serve.  To do more than “help,” as I have learned that when I am truly in community with others help is not mine to give, but rather I open myself to serve, and love as Christ did, and recognize that in many ways it is I that will be transformed.  

This is the next step of my journey.  Thanks for coming with me. 

Peace,

Amanda 

Losing My Training Wheels

I apologize for not taking a post to explain myself and my position for the next year.  That will be for a later post.  For now, let's get right to the heart of my experiences.

I was about to start writing this and I had a flash back.  For whatever reason, though still unknown to me, I started thinking about when I first learned to ride a two-wheel bike.  My dad took me over to our churches parking lot to learn how to ride and we would spend what felt like hours, but was probably more like minutes, practicing turning, braking, stopping, starting, and everything in between.  I have a distinct memory of him running along next to me holding on to the back of my seat.  Of course, as all moms and dads eventually do, he let go and I continued to ride beautifully.  That is, I continued to ride until maybe 15 seconds later when I realized he was no longer holding on to me or even next to me.  He was cheering me on from across the parking lot, which, while supportive and all that, was not going to keep me from falling.  So like any good youngster learning to ride a bike, I immediately forgot everything that I had learned, let out a scream of panic, and promptly fell over. 

I have an unfortunate habit of recreating memories so I can’t guarantee that this happened exactly as I have recalled it.  But I think this memory will do for the coming metaphor.

I am now 2 weeks into my work here at First English Lutheran Church, at 1015 E. Main St., Columbus, OH 43205, with worship services at 8:30 and 10:30 and a community dinner on Thursday nights at 6 (alright, shameless plug over). 2 weeks in and I’m realizing that it’s all about learning to ride on my own.  Don’t get me wrong, the people at FELC are wonderful and supportive in a number of different ways and the pastor I’m working with has challenged me to look at this experience with a whole new spin.  But for the past 23 years (if we include a few months pre-birth) I have had a support system guiding my steps and most of my days.  Teachers, professors, parents, youth directors, mentors, whoever.  They have all been running along beside me holding me up as I learn to ride (it’s been a crowded parking lot with all of them).  But 2 weeks ago, they let go.  Last night was the end of my 15 seconds.  I realized I was on my own and promptly forgot everything I had learned and fell on my face.

You see, kids are great.  I love working with Youth and the passion that they have for life.  I want to be clear that I like working with kids.  Last night some kids were in the church when they weren’t supposed to be and I was trying to get them outside.  A lot of things happened but the end result is that none of them were choosing to listen to me.  The pastor came through and they left shortly thereafter.  That’s no big deal.  My panic and my fall came when I realized that I may have alienated 2 kids that I had hoped would be 2 of my strongest allies in this next year.  I know these 2 better than the other kids who were there and they were supposed to be at the church to meet with the pastor.  In the process of trying to get everyone outside I asked these 2 to leave hoping they would be an example to the other kids.  This plan did not work.  Instead the 2 kids thought that I was mad at them when they had not done anything wrong, which instantly put me into the category of every other adult they know…can you say oops?

I was overwhelmed by the entire situation.  9 kids in a echoing stairwell all talking at once is a little overwhelming.  Did I overreact?  It’s possible.  Without anyone else who was there to see what happened it is hard for me to say.  Did I show the grace and forgiveness of God?  Probably not.  This was my first real shot to build a relationship with some of these kids and I fell of the bike.  It is hard for me to find comfort in the thought that there will be many more days where I can ride much more successfully and fall much harder.  I suppose ultimately I need to suck up my own pride, apologize to the 2 kids that I hope will continue to help me, and try to rebuild and get back on my bike.

I guess I should finish my memory from earlier, or at least what I think is my memory.  Before I really knew what had happened and before I had a chance to start crying, which I’m sure happened anyway, my dad was with me.  He stood me up, brushed off my knees and picked up my bike.  Most importantly, he put me right back on my bike and made me try again.

So, I guess today is all about getting back on the bike.  I am reminded how many people are still around me to support me in my experiences, but ultimately I still must begin to learn to ride without my training wheels.

In His Hands,

David

Discerning my call to serve, part 2

As I promised in my last post, I will share a little bit more information about Episcopal Urban Intern Program.

EUIP is a year-long program that runs from late August this year until mid August next year. I will be living with the other interns in the program (there are six of us total) and we will be sharing three bedrooms and a common/kitchen area in a rectory on church property at St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church in Hollywood. Each intern will have a full-time volunteer placement somewhere in the Los Angeles area.

For anyone who is familiar with EUIP (which you probably are if you’ve talked to me any time in the past two months), you might be saying to yourself “Hollywood? I thought she was going to Inglewood!?” At the time I applied to EUIP this winter, it was situated in the community of Inglewood. Starting with the 2009-2010 intern class, however, we will be situated in Hollywood. The set up is pretty much exactly the same as before and the congregation in Hollywood is very similar to the former one in Inglewood. Both churches are small, multicultural, bilingual, urban parishes. Both churches have a strong commitment to social justice. But the location in Hollywood is a bit more urban and the neighborhood is easier to get around. Thanks to the move, we will be situated closer to the metro and bus lines as well as grocery stores, cafes, etc. I was attracted to EUIP because of its connection to a bilingual urban parish with social justice-oriented roots, so I’m glad that part of the program is staying intact during the transition into Hollywood. I’m hoping that my year in LA, particularly at a bilingual parish, will help my Spanish skills. Being able to effectively communicate in Spanish would enhance my ability to serve those around me.

In addition to all of the info about the move to Hollywood, I also recently received a list of my roommates next year. Thanks to technology, we’ve all been able to “meet” each other before we actually head out west; I’m even Facebook friends with two of them (and we all know that means we’re true friends for life). In the first email we received a list of names and email addresses for all of the roommates and I have to admit that my inferiority complex kicked in as I read the list of addresses. Every .edu email address had major name recognition and so I just sat there thinking “how can I even be in the same program with people from these schools!?” Luckily, I got over that quickly.

I will say, however, that if the little information I know about my roommates is any indication, we will have a very interesting year. There are three male and three female roommates. We are a very diverse group racially, religiously, geographically, and educationally. I’m trying as hard as I can not to make any pre-conceived notions about my roommates, but when you only have a little bit of information and have to wait three months to meet them in person, it’s hard not to (at least for me). As fellow blogger Amanda pointed out to me, however, they probably have just as many pre-conceived notions about me as I do about them. I can’t wait to meet them and talk to them and get to know them in person, though. And here’s a fun fact for you: one of my roommates speaks Old English.

In the coming weeks, I’ll be starting to figure out where my volunteer placement will be for the year. I’m hoping to work with teenagers or young adults in some capacity, though I’m pretty open to different experiences. I will keep you all posted and, if you have any questions, feel free to ask them here or to email me.

Peace,
Jordan