emotional tourism

I've felt like a tourist a lot lately. Moving to a new place always leaves me feeling like that for a little while, and in a city like Los Angeles (particularly where we live in Hollywood) where there actually are tons of tourists all the time, it's really easy to get caught up in it. But I've now been in the city for a few weeks and while I'll admit that a few weeks isn't an extremely long period of time, it's actually starting to feel like I'm an Angeleno and not just a tourist. I've figured out the subway, used the bus, and driven not only through LA but on the freeways around the city. I've found grocery stores and thrift stores, a couple of bars I'll probably frequent, and a few other hangouts.

I was so happy when I realized I no longer felt so much like a tourist (I still feel that way a little, but the feeling is going away a bit every day...), but this week I've experienced feelings relating to tourism again, but this time I feel like an emotional tourist. My housemate Adam, who also works with me, used this phrase the other day and I think it really fits what I'm feeling in regard to my job right now.

To begin, let me say that I really do like my job. The people are great and I can see already that Common Ground provides so many great services. One of the main parts of my job is working with the Homeless Youth Peer Education program (HYPE). HYPE is three evenings a week; Common Ground stays open and we provide food, a place to hang out, clothing, counseling, needle exchange, internet access, and various other services. As great as Common Ground and HYPE are, however, I feel like an emotional tourist. So many of the clients, particularly with HYPE, are people who come in all the time for services. They've built relationships with the other people who work there but so far, I'm just an outsider. I don't know them and I don't know there stories. It will take time to build rapport and strong relationships. In the meanwhile, I kind of feel like I don't belong. Like a tourist going to a new place, I can really enjoy my time at Common Ground and learn a lot, but for a while I'm just a tourist.

It's a strange period of transition. I really love what I'm doing and I look forward to the day that I feel like I've built really solid relationships with my clients the way many of my co-workers have. I've now worked three evenings at HYPE and it gets easier every shift. I'm sure that soon I'll stop being an emotional tourist; like with going to a new place, it's all about stepping out of your comfort zone.

Other than feeling like an emotional tourist, I'm totally loving my job. I've been doing a lot of needle exchanges and observed my first HIV test/counseling session. After a few more observations, I'll be out on my own. I'm realizing already that this is going to be an intense year, but I have a supportive staff at work, great roommates, and excellent family and friends (even if they are scattered around the world).

Peace,
Jordan