My modern day wailing wall.

Don't expect this to be the norm. Two posts in one night. Unlikely. But here we go again. I struggle with so much. Particularly lately though I feel lament laying on my heart. In our culture we've really lost the power of lament. The power of being so angry at God that we throw our hands, fists, voices up in defiance. Not because we doubt the goodness of God, but precisely because we believe powerfully and deeply in the goodness of God. Disappointment is such a powerful part of relationship. We have expectations. Let's be honest about that. And because not everyone can always get what they want or even articulate what they want, expectations aren't met. And let's be really honest: shitty things happen. Haiti, Chicago, LA, Columbus. Kids aren't coming from safe homes, teenagers are testing positive for life changing diseases, parents can't feed their families, an entire country is torn apart by the deepest devastation (don't even get me started on those people that say we should be helping our own first...that's a whole other rant). But if my options are yelling or silence? I'm going to choose yelling. If that's the only way I can keep in conversation and relation with God, then that's what it's going to be. And that's what it should be. God can handle it. God deserves my honesty. God already knows it (I guess), why shouldn't I be able to say it? So I'm interested in thoughts about expressing lament. Here's one expression of lament I'd like to share (again stolen from another blog, but great nonetheless).

Psalm 151 by Mae Jackson

Thanks poet-writer Mae Jackson for submitting your poem to the blog as an example of what a modern psalm of lament might sound like.
******************************************************************************************************************

I wonder who’s gonna be so bold as to
walk up to God and say
“ Brother man,
What’s up with this?”

Who’s gonna call God to the floor
check his agenda for disaster
censor his freedom of speech…
take away his position the way they did Amiri Baraka
when
he
wondered
out loud
“who blew up america?”

the last I heard
270,000 people of color were
wiped out
just like that

without a word of warning
the ocean opened up its mouth
swellings
until it had reached it natural capacity for mass consumption and destruction
sucking out the life of
my sisters
my brothers

our children
can not breath
they can not live
they will not live

Hey you
(I say to God)
What you got against people of color?
What you got against the poor?
What you got against working class folks?

And he replied
“whatever”

who’s gonna accuse God of murder
throw him in jail
like they did mumia?

Hey you
I said to God
sitting high and looking low
where were you when
white america
dummied down demoracy
and threw the last two elections?

God replied
“you talking to me?”
as if he had never
heard
the many prayers I’d uttered for
freedom

Yea,
I’m talking to you -
God Almighty
And,
(I might add)
I don’t like your attitude

where were you God
when the children of South Asia cried out for their mothers and fathers
to protect them from your wrath
their bodies sucked into the nothingness
did they not cry out loud enough for you to hear them?

I speak to God
requesting his presence
“”man up God”, I say
I demand an audience of one with you

A no show
One more time again

…a probability
you were too busy
with George Bush on his Texas ranch
Bar-b-quing
social security &
health care
to notice
the suffering
of the world’s people

a possibility you were
attending
puff daddy’s
Xmas party
for the rich and famous
preoccupied (I suppose)
with
50cent
and
Jay-z
purchasing diamond watches & rings
costing $100,000 and more…
from men
who went into the bowls of South Africa
stealing everything they now sell
to merchants of death
who go by the name of
Rappers

AUGUST 28,2005 Hurricane Katrina

Where yawl at”
I ask
“We in the water”
that’s what she said
and where is God?
I ask humbly
She drowned before she could answer me

“Well now, Lawdy, Lawdy Miss Claudie you sure…
I ain’t no singer but I can change the lyrics
“Well now, Lawdy, Lawdy Miss Claudie looks like God has abandoned you
what you gonna do now that you God is gone?

I loved him
I loved him so much
I loved him everyday of my life
I loved him when the rent was due
When the eviction notice was tacked on my door
I loved him when I had no food in my refrigerator
I loved him in the midnight hour
I loved him when the evil wind blew no good

I cried out to him
crawling on my knees
trying to get out of the mess I was in
“help me!”
please

He did not come then

Later much later
He showed up with three white men
and took Emmett Till to the Tallahatchie River
He showed up in jail and beat Fannie Lou Hammer
He showed up at the assassinations of Malcolm X
And Dr. King
He may not come when you call him
but he’s always on time..
for those who rule the world

like sam cook
“I was born by the river in a little tent…”
I know,
I know
you didn’t see me
but that’s no excuse for not hearing me
when I was floating on a mattress in my kitchen
I reached out to you
“take my hand, precious Lord, take my hand”…

my ole man
reached out to save me
he had to let me go to take the hand of our child…
when I was in the superdome
and the rain was pouring down
“I just want you close…
you and me together through the days and nights”
Alicia Keys sing
“everything is gonna be alright”
nothing was
nothing is

and today
from somewhere I found the strength
to rise again
from the muddy waters of new orleans and Mississippi

they thought I was dead
in the eulogy they wrote ( and sent out all over the world)
they called me
a refugee
they said I was black,
poor,
uneducated with the propensity towards criminal intent
I would not be missed…

I came back…
I found ancestors at the bottom of the sea that resuscitated me
and now I am born again
from their love
today
you have reasons to worry
“there is no easy way to learn how to fly”
today I rise